What wouldn’t we do to protect our children, our most precious treasures? As parents, our instinct is to shield them from harm and negative experiences, fearing that difficult situations might cause pain or lasting trauma. We are driven by love and a deep desire to see our children happy and thriving. However, in our efforts to safeguard them, we might unintentionally prevent them from developing the resilience they need to navigate life’s inevitable challenges.
The Importance of Facing Challenges
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity and cope with setbacks. It is a crucial skill that helps children manage the complexities of life. Shielding them from every challenge can leave them unprepared for future difficulties. Without encountering adversity, they may struggle to handle setbacks when they arise, potentially leading to a lack of confidence and problem-solving abilities.
Understanding and Accepting Emotions
One of the most valuable lessons we can teach children is that emotions—both positive and negative—are a natural part of life. Everyone experiences anger, frustration, or sadness at times, and that’s okay. Emotions are natural responses to situations and are not something we can directly control, but we can control how we express and respond to them.
It’s essential for children to understand that feeling sad, frustrated, or angry is perfectly normal. These emotions aren’t to be feared or avoided; rather, they are signals that deserve attention. For example, fear can alert us to danger, such as encountering a wild animal (we do not want to meditate when a lion is approaching us), prompting us to take protective action. Anger, when managed properly, can help us stand up for ourselves and advocate for a just world (we do not want to be taken advantage of). By teaching children to accept their emotions, rather than suppress or ignore them, we help them develop an understanding of their emotional responses—a cornerstone of resilience.
Teaching Healthy Emotional Expression
While understanding emotions is crucial, it’s equally important for children to learn how to express them in healthy and constructive ways. We cannot always run away from what scares us, nor can we lash out when angry. It is okay to feel emotions, but how we express them matters. Children need to learn effective ways to manage their emotions so they do not create new problems, which could intensify their negative feelings.
How Can I, as a Parent, Teach My Child to Cope with Negative Emotions Without Causing Trauma?
First, remember that your child is a keen observer. One of the most powerful ways they learn is by watching your behavior. If you model healthy emotional expression, your child is likely to emulate it. Conversely, if you respond to anger by hitting or breaking things, it becomes difficult for the child to understand that these behaviors are unacceptable.
A helpful guideline is to focus on teaching your child what to do, rather than what not to do. Instead of saying “Don’t hit” or “Don’t scream,” guide them toward alternative behaviors. For example, you might say, “I see you’re angry because of what happened. It’s understandable—it’s not fun when things don’t go your way. When you’re angry, use your words to tell me what’s bothering you, and we can figure out how to make things better.” This approach is easier said than done, especially when parents are short on time and energy. Many of us weren’t taught how to manage our own emotions, so learning to do so may be necessary before we can effectively teach our children. Remember, just like on an airplane, you need to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.
Here are some strategies to help children manage and express their emotions effectively:
- Model Healthy Emotional Expression: Children learn by observing the adults around them. Demonstrate healthy ways to express emotions, such as calmly discussing what’s bothering you instead of yelling. This shows children that emotions can be managed without resorting to negative behaviors.
- Encourage Open Communication: Create an environment where your child feels safe to talk about their feelings. Encourage them to express what they’re feeling and why without fear of judgment. Listening actively and empathetically to their concerns helps them process emotions and strengthens their ability to communicate effectively.
- Teach Problem-Solving Skills: When children face challenges, guide them in thinking through possible solutions rather than stepping in to fix the problem for them. Encourage them to consider different approaches and evaluate potential outcomes. This builds their confidence and empowers them to tackle challenges independently.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: While all emotions are valid, there are appropriate ways to express them. Set clear boundaries around acceptable behaviors and help children find constructive outlets for their emotions, such as talking or engaging in physical activities.
Preparing Children for a Resilient Future
Building resilience in children doesn’t mean exposing them to unnecessary hardships; rather, it means equipping them with the tools they need to handle the challenges they will inevitably face. By teaching them to understand, manage, and express their emotions, we prepare them for the realities of life and help them build the resilience needed to thrive.
Resilient children are better equipped to cope with adversity, recover from setbacks, and continue moving forward. They understand that emotions are a natural part of life and that challenges, while difficult, can be managed. With these skills, they will be prepared to handle criticism at work or navigate conflicts in their personal relationships, confidently facing whatever life throws their way.
Sinews MTI
Psychology, Psychiatry and Speech Therapy