Grief is defined as the emotional response to the significant loss of something or someone important in your life. It is the process a person undergoes to overcome and adapt to such a loss. There are many types of grief, among which we find disenfranchised grief. This type of grief occurs when society does not recognize the loss of a third party or does not allow the bereaved to express it. It seems unbelievable, doesn’t it? In what situations do you think this type of grief could occur?

One of the experiences in which this occurs is in perinatal grief. Perinatal loss is defined as the loss of a baby by a pregnant person from the time pregnancy is known until the first month of the baby’s life. One of the most common causes of perinatal loss is miscarriage. Miscarriage is defined as the premature loss of the baby during the first 23 weeks of pregnancy. Within miscarriage, there is (1) early miscarriage, which occurs from conception to the thirteenth week of pregnancy, and (2) late miscarriage, which occurs from the fourteenth week to the twenty-third week.

According to statistics, it is estimated that the risk of miscarriage in pregnant people is 25%. It is even believed that this percentage could be higher, as many losses occur before the person is aware of their pregnancy. Twenty-five percent means that 1 in 4 pregnant individuals will lose their baby spontaneously. That is, if you have a group of 10 people and they all become pregnant, it is most likely that at least 2 will lose their baby. Shocking, isn’t it?

Miscarriage is a taboo subject; many people have experienced it but have not communicated their loss. It is only when someone brings up the topic that many others are encouraged to talk about it. But why is something so painful taboo? There are several reasons why this happens:

It is not difficult to put oneself in the shoes of someone who has had to live through this experience. The loss of an expected baby can be considered a traumatic event, becoming one of the most painful life experiences for parents. Therefore, the psychological consequences are many and varied:

Grief is a necessary process to go through to integrate our losses. According to theorists like Worden, there are several tasks you need to accomplish in the face of a loss:

The emotions we go through during grief are not comfortable, but that doesn’t mean they are negative or unnecessary. On the contrary, no matter how much we want to «get rid of them,» they will help us heal. Therefore, experiencing them does not imply a problem. However, in some cases, the experience can become complicated, and it is advisable to seek professional help.

Finally, I would like to emphasize that perinatal grief due to miscarriage is a profoundly painful experience that deserves to be recognized and validated both personally and socially. Despite being a taboo subject, it is essential to know that you are not alone in your pain and that you have the right to express your emotions and receive support. The lack of recognition and social prejudice can intensify your suffering, making it crucial to foster an environment of empathy and understanding. There is no need to go through this alone, pretending nothing happened; share it with someone you trust. And if it doesn’t go well, there will always be professionals who can offer you a safe space to process your loss. By acknowledging the validity of your grief, we can begin to break the silence and provide the necessary support to navigate this difficult experience.

Laura Redondo Fidalgo is a Clinical Psychologist and Neuropsychologist at Sinews. She works with a wide range of issues, including anxiety, depression, grief, self-esteem, and interpersonal relationship problems, among others. Her approach is cognitive-behavioral, but she also incorporates tools and techniques from other modalities, such as Third Generation Therapies, adapting to the specific needs of each patient, thanks to her continuous training.